Brother Jim
by Linnette R. Mullin
…in the midst of his illness and perhaps because of it, he left the handprint of God on my heart.
A very impressionable child, I couldn't help but wonder about him. Without fail, every time the church doors were open, there he would be…sitting in the second pew from the front on the left-hand side of the sanctuary with Frieda - his ever faithful, loving wife.
Oh, I knew who he was. He was my first pastor and we called him "Brother Jim." But he wasn't the strong, robust man he had been - the same tall, confident man who once wrestled a rifle out of a drunken man's hands during a worship service. No. He was an invalid.
The sight of him evoked a myriad of emotions in me…feelings that would be transformed drastically over the years. It started out with fear and trepidation. Growing up in the most rural county of Missouri, I didn't see a lot of people in wheelchairs. He was an anomaly.
And there he sat Sunday after Sunday - quiet, shoulders slumped, hair gray and thinning, eyes downcast. Though never one to start a conversation, his face would light with a smile when someone stopped to speak with him. As soon as they walked away, the smile would evaporate. Observing this, I decided that maybe he wasn't so fearsome after all. Maybe he was just lonely. Maybe he didn't want to be a bother to anyone. Maybe… There were so many maybes.
Occasionally, when I worked up the nerve, I would approach him to say "hi" and chat for a moment. The smile he gave reached his eyes, telling me he was glad for my company. He would even tease me sometimes, his brown eyes twinkling. However, he never failed to exhort and encourage me in the Lord. He never wasted an opportunity to share his faith with anyone who would take the time to listen - even a child like me. It reminded me of Jesus when he gathered the little children in His arms and blessed them. I could picture Brother Jim doing this very same thing if only he had the strength. In fact, I always walked away feeling as though I had been blessed - even as I grew into my teen years.
I often wondered what his life must be like and my heart ached for him. Once a strong man and leader of the church, he now sat in quiet anonymity. What must it be like to go from being such a healthy, robust man one day to a near vegetable the next? What must it be like for his sweet wife and their children? How would I feel if it were my dad? Their youngest child being my age, the gravity of their situation always touched me deeply.
Now, dealing with chronic illness in my own life, I feel as though I know some of the things he must have struggled with: depression, guilt, frustration, anger, bitterness, humiliation, fear, helplessness, and so on. I imagine his family battled with many of those same things, but from a different perspective.
These are the kind of things that often tear families apart. I can't tell you how
Brother Jim dealt with them, but I believe he would agree that in order to get a grasp on them, we must first build a strong foundation to stand upon. This brings to mind an old hymn I often sang growing up…still do from time to time. It says:
My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and
righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly trust in Jesus' Name.
When darkness seems to hide His face, I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale, my anchor holds within the veil.
His oath, His covenant, His blood support me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way, He then is all my Hope and Stay.
When He shall come with trumpet sound, oh may I then in Him be found.
Dressed in His righteousness alone, faultless to stand before the throne.
On Christ the solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand; All other ground is sinking sand.
(Words by Edward Mote 1834; Music, Solid Rock, by William B Bradbury 1863.)
We must understand this above all else in order to address the issues we face in our individual struggles. Christ is our solid rock! He is the one who keeps us from sinking. All our hope must be placed in Him.
C. S. Lewis said: "God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing."
He also said: "I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else."
How true! What we believe about God dictates how we view ourselves, our illness, our loved ones, even our enemies.
Again, C. S. Lewis said, "Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point."
Chronic illness and handicaps of all sorts, whether our own or our loved ones, test our mettle. What kind of stuff are we made of? What is our staying power?
There are so many things I learned from Brother Jim. He taught me that in the midst of a pain-filled life, God can and will use me. I don't have to be a Billy Graham or an Elizabeth Elliot to impact the world I touch.
He also taught me the importance of studying God's word for myself by the frequency with which he quoted 2 Timothy 2:15. Even today, I can hear the urgency in his voice ringing in my heart as he said, "Study…to show thyself…approved of God…a workman…that needeth not be ashamed… rightly dividing …the Word of truth." (KJV) It was by studying the scriptures that I came to know the God who made me, Jesus Christ who saved me, the Holy Spirit who comforts and strengthens me. He truly is my rock and my refuge…a very present help in times of trouble! GOD IS my staying power.
When I think of Brother Jim, I am filled with gratitude and love for him. For, in the midst of his illness and perhaps because of it, he left the handprint of God on my heart.
